Why do I feel this way?

Perhaps you’ve been struggling for years with feelings that you can’t understand or explain. Here are some of the ways sexual abuse affects a child, which can follow into adulthood. Maybe you’ll see some of yourself in the list below:

Self-blame: When children experience trauma, their inherent egocentrism leads them to believe that they are responsible. It’s important for them to understand and believe that the abuse was not their fault. Sexual abuse silences the victim. It takes away their voice. They live in secret, silent shame. They grow up believing their voice, opinion, and person does not matter.

Powerlessness: Children who’ve been abused have a strong sense of powerlessness. This can impair their self-image, which follows them into adulthood increasing their potential to be victimized again. The powerlessness of sexual abuse damages the body. Not only the physical body, but how they feel about their own body. Children who’ve been abused have no sense of ownership or protection of their own bodies. They assume that their bodies are for public use. This can lead to a disregard for their own safety causing them to act out sexually with others, or being re-victimized over and over.

Loss and Betrayal: Children lose a sense of safety and may feel a loss of security because people have not protected them, especially significant caregivers. Betrayal, which is essentially a loss of trust, shakes the very foundation of childhood development. They come to view the world as a threatening place they have no control over, and often believe they do not deserve any better than the traumatizing experience.

 Stigmatization: Children who’ve been abused feel stigmatized. They feel an internal sense of shame and    alienation—feeling labeled, different than others. They can get stuck in a continual pursuit of acceptance and feeling good enough. As a result sexual abuse damages the emotions leaving them with feelings of helplessness, shame, betrayal, fear, guilt, anger and grief.

 Eroticization: Through the experience of sexual abuse and rape, children may perceive that their value comes primarily from being sexual, thus they often become eroticized and act out on themselves or others what’s been done to them.

Destructiveness: Many children may lose their impulse control, establishing a self-defeating cycle of aggression and destructiveness–against others and themselves. This may lead to frightening displays of temper and release of rage. Other destructive behaviors may include eating disorders, cutting, substance abuse and addictions.

Attachment Disorders: Attachment is vital for survival, so it is understandable that threats to attachment are life and death issues for children. Sexual abuse damages one’s ability to build and sustain relationships. It affects relationships in areas of trust, boundaries and control. It is crucial for children who’ve endured sexual trauma to experience safety and a place to develop positive attachments.